Those days..

Those days you’re just not good enough. The days you do EVERYTHING you can and nothing is done right, nothing is good, you’re garbage….

Yupppppp.

That’s today.

I love when you’re doing literally everything you think is right, everything to try to make it easier on everyone else, but taking the whole load on yourself…

It. Isn’t. Healthy.

It isn’t right.

Fuck everyone else. Focus on you and yours. That’s really all that matters. And when you do…it gets better, and then when you start adding others…it gets worse… Sooo much worse.

Life is hard. Drugs are real, drugs drown things, cutting downs things, cigarettes, beer…drowns things… But damn… Don’t you want to not feel like you need an out… ?

I damn sure do.

That’s all for tonight my friends.

Stay happy, stay healthy. Stay alive.

๐Ÿ’•HaleyJo

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Preemie awareness month!

So, seeing as I’m gonna start this whole thing, I figured I should start with something special to me. The thing that started my whole motherhood journey.. Premature birth.

September is preemie awareness month! So let’s talk about my little miracle baby …

Mr Micah decided he wanted to make his entrance into this world something nobody would forget (not that you ever forget the memories of your kids being born). He came into this world at 30 weeks and 2 days. Quite early. And very tiny, weighing in at 2 pounds 5.6 ounces, and barely longer than a ruler.

The first kiss, 6 days old and we could finally touch him and love on him.

When I think back to those long days, the walks to and from the NICU 90 times a day, the phone calls and emails, the heart rate drops, the intubations, the time he made it to his big boy crib and got to finally wear clothes because he hit 3 pounds…… It amazes me… Truly amazes me. We’ve come a long way these past 5 years. But we still have struggles from him being born so early.

Making his way to his crib. Here’s his “condo” he got to live in for a while. Nice and warm, finally 3 pounds and wearing clothes ๐Ÿ’™

He will always have breathing problems, he’s got chronic lung disease. But we chucked the oxygen machine right after he turned one..

He’s got a special kidney, just one..the other one ate itself away.

He’s smaller than the kids his age, gets pushed around and bullied because although he is just as smart and quick, he is smaller so obviously the kids have the upper hand… But none of this has ever stopped him from pushing thru day by day. He is strong. He is a fighter. He is my little miracle baby.

September is preemie awareness month. Often I don’t talk about it. Everyone asks why, or assumes it was because I did something. But the truth of the matter is… Premature births can happen to anyone. Anywhere. Any time. I didn’t do drugs. I didn’t do anything to make this happen. The doctors even told me there was nothing I could have done to make him be born alive. They gave up on him after the 16 week ultrasound. I am so glad that I didn’t tho. Because I didn’t give up, I have a little warrior. And I should promote preemie awareness way more than I do. I fail him every time I avoid the conversation. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. We talk about “normal” births all the time…. So why not feel proud and share the not so normal entrances into this world.

Hug your little ones. Appreciate everything. Because life is short, and you never really know what will happen.

So keep in mind all those mommas who are struggling in the NICU this month, or struggling at home with all their machines. They need mental breaks too. Motherhood is exhausting. But those little preemies make it seem 100 times more exhausting๐Ÿคฃ

I’m glad we ditched the machines. I’m thankful he’s here and thriving. He’s got a surgery coming up in a few months, just another little issue. It’ll be his second surgery since he was born. Hopefully we won’t have to go thru this again. But he’s excited, he gets to pick out an optimus prime toy to make him brave during his special day..๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿคฃ

Keep on keeping on tiny little shits. You drive us crazy, but we love you more than you’ll ever know. We fought for you, just as much as you fought for yourself…without even knowing it, you were all born little warriors. And you’re all special little humans.

Sassy spunky 5 year old. ๐Ÿ’™

Until next time,

๐Ÿ’•HaleyJo

Background?

So, as usual.. I started something without fully thinking of everything. And I’m sure I still haven’t, but thru some medias I’ve been asked to explain more about how I truly mean EVERYTHING and ANYTHING is a topic here.

Soooo here goes nothing; again ๐Ÿ˜‚

DEAR BEAUTIFUL HUMANS! WHEN I SAY THIS. I TRULY MEAN IT.

ANYTHING can be a conversation.

Usually. I understand, anything can be a conversation….can often mean…yeah, tell me your shit… I need a ego boost. Or I wanna call CPS. Or I would just love to hear allllll the drama and feed you a line of bullshit to make you feel like I’m listening, while secretly just getting info…for myself. Or others. Or both. ๐Ÿ’

So, instead of saying that and assuming people know what I mean.. I’ll just put a few key topics that are often not spoken about, that can be here…to open doors to anything that I may not know about, or to open the door for you…if you know someone, or have any questions of any situations you’re not brave enough to ask others…

Topics I, or others in this family, have been through personally….so it’s out there as a topic not often spoken of..or often spoken of…

Abuse. Sexual, mental, physical….all the types. Addiction. Suicide. Loss of a loved one. Bipolar, anxiety and or other mental issues. Insecurities. Feeling like you fail as a parent, or even failing as one. Custody issues. Ans of course; Love. Happiness. Positivity and dynamic living.. Skip world be happy that another person is passing it along, whether or not he thinks he had an impact.

So, again. To make sure this is clear. These are the things that WILL come up on this blog…. At some point or another, it will be mentioned. It was us. It is us. It shaped us. You’ll learn at which points these things happened… And I hope you’re not scared to jump on board anymore ๐Ÿ˜‰

So, yet again,

I’ll see you soon beautiful humans. Thanks for the read๐Ÿ˜œ

๐Ÿ’•HaleyJo.

Gotta start somewhere…

hey, hi, hello…

So, basically I’m starting this blog because I have nobody to really necessarily talk to that isn’t judgemental, doesn’t want to throw their issues in and make mine feel smaller….and yada yada yada. Oh, and mostly because life is HARD! Momming is HARD! Raising little humans to be decent people is a challenge! And so many people are afraid to talk about the real shit.

So, I’m here as a random ass psycho mom who just wants to rant and have a fun time doing so! There is absolutely NOTHING that cannot become a topic here. So hopefully, eventually, with the help of you wonderful people …. This blog will thrive and everything that happens in daily life will be acceptable to talk about. The happy, sad, love, tantrums, ugly and beautiful parts of life….and motherhood. ๐Ÿ˜‚

Oh, I suppose I should also begin my beginning post with a little insight on who you’ll be hearing about.

There’s me, Haley. The mom, the alarm clock, teacher, helper, cleaner, lover, angry mess, crazy fool, fun loving happy person…๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคฆ

Burden/Brandon—the boys sperm donor. Baby daddy. Piece of garbage, etc. Call it what you will, I do the same ๐Ÿ’

Nik/Nikki/Bonus Dad/Daddy– Marley’s dad, the boys bonus dad, the one who stepped up and took over a position he didn’t need to, wasn’t ready to….and didn’t necessarily want to do….

Micah- the amazing 5 year old who had a rough start in life, and is happy go lucky, angrier than angry, crazy silly fun and sassy…

Matthias- or meltdown matthias…the crier, the whiny one, the silly sassy goofy goober… The treacherous threenager ๐Ÿ˜‚

Marley- the tiny little sassy 7 month old. She doesn’t have much experience in this life yet, but her sassy attitude and spunk is already starting to shine thru as you will all learn! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

And Miss Willow — the two year old who will hopefully begin to be introduced soon! As the custody battles are real. Drugs are real. Pieces of shit moms are real too๐Ÿ’ but we will get there when the time is right. When her chapter is allowed to come to light.

Our story is like many peoples and unlike many people’s at the same time… But that’s why we’re here… To show you the good bad and ugly and that sometimes the shit you’re going thru, others are too, so it isn’t a bad thing to reach out when you need, ask for advice, bitch and complain… It’s life…and we’re all struggling together ๐Ÿคฃ

So! Welcome all you beautiful humans to my blog; MOTHERHOOD UNCUT! welcome to the crazy ride in life that we were dealt. We are humans. We have struggles. We have laughs. We have anger. We have meltdowns. We have fun. We have discipline. But most of all we have love.โค so I hope you enjoy this as much as we will, and feel free to add comments, experience, questions, concerns….absolutely ANYTHING, because that’s what this is for….for everyone to feel like they have someone. For everyone to realize their issues happen to others, to just open minds of all ages and stages. I’d love to learn and hear about you just as much as i hope you love to hear about our crazy lifeโค

I’ll wrap it up for now.

The real fun will start soon. Stay tuned my friends๐Ÿคช๐Ÿ˜‰

๐Ÿ’•HaleyJo.